Ask Ellie: ‘Friends-with-benefits’ relationship won’t work if you want more

Ask Ellie: ‘Friends-with-benefits’ relationship won’t work if you want more

Dear Ellie: I’m a 52-year-old single mom who met a man online. We talked for several months, met twice. On the third date we had sex.

I thought things were progressing. But whenever I asked for a visit or invited him to my place, he declined.

You’re asking for “more” of what so far is a friendship that allows for occasional sex when he’s comfortable with the time and place. It’s not quite control, though close, but more about his not being ready for more. He’s not widening your contact together.

Some people – men and women alike – can handle an FWB relationship because 1) it’s all they want; or 2) it avoids deep intimacy which they don’t want and 3) it avoids any public show of being a “couple.”

Instead, he messaged that he didn’t think a relationship would happen, but we could stay friends

This time, if you use a dating app or some other online way of meeting, show confidence in yourself. If you know after a short conversation that someone’s not very interesting, just find a reason to end the conversation. Don’t hang on.

This is my first friends-with-benefits (FWB) relationship

Dear Ellie: With our kids home all day during school closures, our teenagers are struggling most with having lost independence.

We have a say in whether they can go out and where, and what they can do – which mostly only allows for walking outside masked and distanced, or sitting apart outside till they’re too cold. Sometimes there are big arguments and tensions.

Recently, I reached into my daughter’s backpack to get a book she borrowed and found a pack of cigarettes and an e-cigarette. Continuar leyendo «Ask Ellie: ‘Friends-with-benefits’ relationship won’t work if you want more»